Stories from the Crowd: My Wednesday With Bill Clinton
by Scott Sadler
The following essay details a day I spent with Bill Clinton. If you get stumped by it’s vagaries – then you might just grasp the cluelessness I too was experiencing throughout the day.
It all started on Monday morning when I received a text message from a friend of mine asking if I was free on Wednesday afternoon to help with Bill Clinton’s visit to Austin. During the previous week, this friend had driven in Hillary Clinton’s motorcade through Austin, so I thought that sounded interesting enough to agree to do something similar for Bill. He forwarded my contact information to a Hillary Clinton campaign aide. The aide called and asked what type of vehicle I could drive (Honda Pilot) and took down my social security number and date of birth so the secret service could do a background check on me.
A few hours later he said they would use me and another volunteer driver, but that they couldn’t use my foreign-made vehicle in the motorcade. He recommended that I try to secure a vehicle on my own, but that renting one would not be a problem. It’s not that they did not want to rent a vehicle for me – it was that it would be much easier for ME to use a vehicle I had ready access to rather than to have to go back and forth to the airport to get the rental. My sister and I tasked ourselves with finding a home grown vehicle by going through all our phone and email contacts – to no avail.
So by Tuesday mid day, I told my campaign contact that I would indeed need the rental – so he emailed me the rental confirmation as well as my Secret Service contact’s name and number and meeting location. Later that night, a friend dropped me off at the airport to get the … shiny red Dodge minivan. Fun! Everything was prepaid – so all I had to do was present my driver’s license. I was in and out in about five minutes. Upon leaving the airport, I felt compelled call my Secret Service contact just to touch base. He said to show up by two p.m., Wednesday, and that it would be a “piece of cake.” Um … Lies.
So I then headed to a friend’s place to borrow a small digital camera in case I was able to take some pictures.
On Wednesday, I dressed in some nice pleated khakis “and a buttoned down plaid shirt (per my instructions), and by one p.m. started to head to the airport. I had discovered earlier in the day that I was to be the only staff driver for the day – so I was at least happy that they did not tell me that I was unneeded. I found the hangar with ease, so I parked the minivan and called my Secret Service contact. He said to stay in the car and drive over to get buzzed in – then hung up. I was not exactly sure what he meant, but I moseyed the van over to the side of the hangar behind two black – presumably Secret Service – cars. At the gate, a stranger hopped into my minivan and I was instructed to back into the hangar with all the other cars in the motorcade – at which time they searched the van and brought in a sniffer dog. When the Secret Service guy finally checked my ID, he told me that I had to stay with my car at all times. I asked him how long we would be waiting so that I could use the bathroom before we left, and he mumbled “37 minutes” between slurps of his slushee and walked off. Then a local cop came up to me and instructed me to follow the black Taurus in front of me, once we start moving, and that if I needed to run lights or stop signs – to do so – but not to do anything too dangerous. He said when possible that he would pass me to block traffic. Apparently there were four cars in the motorcade excluding the cop in front and the one in back, and I was to be the last vehicle in the rear. So this particular cop had my back – so to speak.
After a while, I figured I might as well use the bathroom – not that anyone told me where it was or that I could step away from my car – so I ventured off and made it back in a whiz – or after a whiz, as it were. The whole time I kept wondering when the President was going to land – because although there was a plane nearby us – I was given the impression that his plane was running late and had yet to land. So we waited – for about an hour or so – well beyond the 37 minutes. So to pass the time, I was texting on my phone, listening to the radio, and enjoying the cool breeze with the side doors still open on the minivan (left open from the search) and all the windows rolled down. The next thing I knew – the cars started to speed off and the cop peeped out a honk at me – so I started the van and squealed the tires to follow them – all of two hundred feet – to go closer to and to the opposite side of the plane from where we were before. It wasn’t until I parked there that I noticed that the doors were open the whole time – oops. But then again, I wasn’t informed after an hour of waiting that we were about to leave. And that M.O. was indicative of what was to come for the remainder of the day, i.e., let’s see how clueless we can keep Joe Nobody (aka Scott Sadler).
It was such a nice day so I got out of the van and leaned on it to enjoy the nice breeze – at which time another Secret Service guy told me that it was “unnecessary” for me to be outside the vehicle. I’m not sure how forceful a word “unnecessary” is, but regardless, I re-entered my van and periodically rolled the windows up and down to both enjoy the breeze and to drown out the noise from the surrounding planes. After about a half hour, I noticed the President in the distance – back at the hangar – about to get into a van. I guess he had been there the whole time in the hangar and not on approach in a plane as was implied. I guess it was a secret. So he got in the van and the RACE to his first stop ensued.
We sped out of the airport on to the first stop – about ten miles away – like bats out of hell. Nobody told me I would have to be a Hollywood stunt driver to land this gig. Heck, they were flooring the gas and slamming on the brakes so much that I didn’t know whether I was gonna rear end the car in front of me or lose them in the chase. And as for the cop behind me – I thought he was gonna crash into me from behind or the side about half a dozen times. I can only imagine that the other cars on the road at the time witnessing the endeavor must have thought that I was under siege by a local cop in an attempt to run me off the road. It sure seemed like it at the time. But I guess that was his way of keeping other cars from somehow getting mixed into our little convoy. It seemed unnecessary if you ask me – and I was there. Oh, and did I mention that they never used any flashing lights or blinkers – their attempt to be as unassuming and innocuous as possible – um – if you ask me that too. Ha ha ha.
Once at the first stop, we all pulled down into the lawn area in front of a crowd of a few hundred where the President spoke while standing in the bed of a pickup. After a few minutes, a Secret Service guy approached me and indicated that since up until this point my van was empty – that they may not need me today after all and that I needed to drive back up the hill by the cop that was tailing me. Heck, “all of this for nothing”, I thought. That was unfortunate. So I parked my car by the cop and decided to make the most of my short day by walking toward the crowd to hear Bill speak and to snap a few photos. After I took a few, a middle-aged man and his mother approached me and asked me if I could help them take pics on their phone. So I gave it a shot and it worked. In the midst of saving their pic, I got a tap on the shoulder (followed by some curious looks from the crowd) from my ten years ago Brad Pitt look-a-like cop informing me that they might use me after all. He said that if no one got into my van at this stop that I was to be outside the motorcade and to follow him to the next stop – he continued by giving me directions to the next stop. A few minutes later he returned and told me to drive my car back down into the grassy knoll and to join the motorcade when they leave – as it was likely I would have a passenger or two.
About this time, I began to pat myself on the back for having the forethought to bring my own water and snack bars. Though the weather was pleasant – it was very sunny and dry and I typically drink a large volume of water on any given day anyway. And, well it had been about three hours since I joined this motley crew of keystone cops – and though I was savoring my little bit of water – I still had to pee again. But I guess I would just have to ignore it and wait it out. A couple of supporters and campaigners approached me. The first asked me what I was doing down there – until she saw my security pin. I found that funny since it would be odd that the Secret Service would let me drive a vehicle down to that otherwise vacant section. It would have been pretty difficult to just wander into that area unnoticed – dumb bitch. The second person to approach me was very friendly. She met Hillary Clinton when Hillary worked on her husband’s staff when he was elected to a state office in Texas in 1972. When she asked me my name – she said that her husband worked with and for a prominent politician at the time named Jerry Sadler – the same name as my brother. After a bit of small talk – she wondered back over to the President – who was spending about 20 minutes shaking hands with the crowd post speech. I decided to take advantage of the clear though distant view of the president by taking a 30 second video. The video turned out quite humorous because you can clearly see a Secret Service agent meandering his way through the crowd towards me to tell me to get back to my car – which was ten feet behind me. Hmm.
Fortunately, two young ladies did get into my van. One was a UT student photographer and the other a staffer who was flying with the President. As we zipped in and out of traffic to our next stop – the local campaign headquarters – I greatly enjoyed hearing both faint squeaks and and light chuckles from my two new travel partners. I wanted witnesses to the insanity. At one point we truly almost got sideswiped by a Grand Cherokee that the cop behind me practically rammed into me. But as a Secret Service agent would say later in the day – “close calls are better than hits.” Mhmm.
The purpose of the campaign headquarter stop escapes me. Perhaps the President just wanted to meet some of the local staffers or to use the “facilities.” I wish I had that opportunity. After four hours – I really needed to shake the dew off my lily – so to speak. I was thirsty too – since I had already finished my two self-supplied tiny water bottles. The staffer that rode here with me bolted out for a few minutes leaving me to gab with the UT photographer. We got a kick out of the randomness of our day so far. We were also parked outside some BBQ place. Gosh was I hungry. Snack bars? I should have packed a burger. A patron did come out of the BBQ place asking a cop if Hillary Clinton was inside the headquarters next door. He said no. We wondered if she had asked if Bill Clinton was inside whether the officer would have said yes. Doubtful. Haha
Our staffer hopped back into the car and the President into his and we sped off to the University of Texas. This part of the drive was fairly sedate. We were on the same road almost all the way to UT so it would have been hard for the Secret Service to drive maniacally in this route, thankfully. I was starting to worry about being at UT, though. Where on earth would I pee there? I had no clue. Fortunately that would not end up being an issue – as we were parked in the tiny ten car parking lot just on the north side of the UT tower. Apparently that Bill Clinton is an elusive fella. I’m not sure how he bolted out of his vehicle and went inside unnoticed by even those in my vehicle – but that’s what happened.
Not that anyone made a suggestion – but I eventually figured out how to back into a spot in that small lot – with the Secret Service’s approval. And then my lady passengers exited the van. Just prior to our arrival at the the campus, I did get a chance to send out this little ditty to the Hillary Clinton staffer who got me involved in the day’s festivities, “I’m glad I brought my own water and snack bars, but it would be nice to be offered a bathroom. I guess I can use one of the water bottles at the next stop. Hehe. :-)” I like to maintain a sense of humor at all times. While no one was paying attention, I decided to sniff out the bathroom in the tower. Then I refilled my water bottles and downed my second of the two snack bars I brought. Although we were at the campus for at least two and a half hours – it was the most pleasant of the stops. I was at least able to confabulate with the Secret Service and a local cop – both of whom mentioned several times the unusual nature of my position for that day – given that I was unaccompanied by a campaign staffer all day and was hanging out with the law enforcement – which they said never happens.
I made an attempt to go see Bill Clinton speak. After all, that was why I came out this day. I wanted to hear him speak at UT in front of a large crowd. Sadly, because no campaign staffer was with me, the secret service didn’t want me to wander away from my car. So the next two plus hours passed VERY slowly. I passed some of the time sharing smokes with one of the UT cops. They suppress appetites, you know? At least that was my goal. At one point my buddy that set me up with the UT staffer called to check up on me. He later came by with a friend to see Bill speak and walked right past me – so we got to visit. I showed them the funny video I had taken at the rally earlier in the day. We had a chuckle. He apologized that my day thus far had been fairly unpleasant compared to his during the previous week and asked if he should message some of his campaign friends – but I declined. I just wish someone would have told me – as I would have packed more food with me.
Finally, the President was finished speaking and shaking hands … it took forEVER. I found it entertaining to hear all the security guys complain about hunger and thirst too. Yaay – it wasn’t just me. I was a bit disappointed that up to this point – 9 p.m. – that I hadn’t seen Bill up close at all – even though I spent the last two hours leaning up against his van. Oh well. It was still an interesting day – to say the least. I had downed so much water to rehydrate myself that I really had to pee again – I hate to say – but it was true. I really couldn’t though because Bill could be shaking hands for five minutes or an hour – who was to know but him – certainly not I, mister clueless gruntling. There was nobody around so I thought that perhaps I could use one of the water bottles I had brought with me to relieve myself. I actually went so far as to undo my belt and unbutton my khakis, but I realized that since they were button and not zip fly – that there was no way I could get away with it. I mean, if they were zip fly pants – I could have not undone the belt and just unzipped; but with the button fly, if someone were to approach me – there would be no way I could fasten them quickly enough to not be noticed. Oh well. I would just hold it … again.
Finally, the lady staffer hopped into the back seat of the van with a guy . Within a few moments – we sped off – all three clueless as to our next stop – either the airport or the campaign headquarters. This drive was pretty sedate as well since it was primarily freeway. The female staffer asked me if I was able to enjoy the President’s speech – but I regretfully informed her that the Secret Service prevented me from venturing too far away from my vehicle to hear him. When she heard that – she realized that I had been alone and that if she had come out to get me – that I would have been able to hear him up close and personal. I asked the two staffers if they thought I would at least be able to see the President more closely before he left. They said that they would get a picture of me and him and asked for my email address – so they could take one and email it to me. Well I had a camera – and even showed them the funny video I took with the Secret Service agent – at which they both got a big chuckle.
The male staffer told me that once we got to the airport to just wait at the bottom of the steps to the plane – which I did once I got there. He apologetically informed me a couple of times that the President was on the phone and that it would be just a short wait. I could see the President on the phone through the window of the plane. At this point, I could only think of two pressing issues …what on earth am I going to say to the President and even more importantly… how much longer will I really be able to hold my bladder. Hmmm.
After about five minutes, he waved me up onto the plane. This was curious and unexpected – but I pushed forward up the steps and boarded the plane where I discovered the President sitting beside me still engaged in a phone conversation. Once I was beside him, he informed the caller, “I need to put the phone down for a moment so that I can take a picture”. How gracious of him. So he arose – towering and hunching over me in the small cabin of the plane for just enough time to have me introduce myself while having a photo snapped and to thank me for my hard work for the day – which I exclaimed was a privilege. Yawn. I should have thanked him for his hard work as it wasn’t like I really did any real work for the day other than on holding in my hunger and bladder pains.
I retrieved the camera and exited the plane very quickly and rushed back to my van – which still had the engine running. I took a quick peek at the pic, and it turned out rather nicely; although I really didn’t have a chance to crack a smile. As soon as the plane took, off I rushed to the bathroom near the hangar then sped out of the parking lot to the nearest fast food joint.
Excerpt From
Stories from the Crowd
Scott Ballew
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